Fuzzy around the edges.

My second try at writing a post about the experiences of having a minor stroke and then spending a couple of days being squeezed through the acute healthcare system.

Firstly though….my apologies : several days ago, as I write, instead of running sea trials with my Pathfinder I was sat in a bed space on an acute stroke ward both exhausted and yet sleepless so I reverted to form and tried to write a blog post about the whole experience. Reading that post a few days later it’s obvious, to me, how random and incoherent that post is but then I have to accept that I wrote it when I was so tired that I couldn’t think straight while at the same time being oddly emotionally labile and at times a bit inappropriate.

I’m back at home now and my partner is at work in the same hospital ; she is having a normal (manic) day while I am having a quiet one at home. Obviously I am writing but i’m only working on the post in short bursts – after 20 minutes work (at best) i’ll take a break and maybe go and lay down for a while as I am still a bit fuzzy around the edges. My balance is still a bit variable and my gait a bit odd while on the thinking and emotion side its all still a bit labile and inconsistent plus my memory is playing odd tricks : today for instance I was trying to remember the exact sequence of events which, given that I was seen and treated in 3 separate departments and 2 scanners, isn’t exactly coming together as well as it should.

Second day…..third try.

Today i’m at home and totally alone for the first time in what seems like days ; for several days I have been surrounded by staff and other patients and for someone who is basically asocial that was quite a stressful experience. As I write it’s a mild and sunny day so iv’e just had a wander down to the workshop followed by a look around the garden(the Tulips have sneakily bloomed) and because that went without too much of a problem I went for my first independent walk in the outdoors. That went well apart from a couple of times when I tried to turn too fast and too tight and I had to correct myself with my walking pole – next week I hope to get back into proper exercise again except that I know that I was keeping track of what number out of a hundred I was on and today not having a clue : I could probably work it out if I really tried – I think my stroke actually happened during walk no 86 and that I was working towards 100 before I reset my exercise plan. As it is I think I should reset my exercise plan because even after today’s slow walk around the lanes I was dog tired when I got home

Tomorrow.

During my hospital stay a couple of the non medical assessments stand out, obviously I was seen by the stroke physio team to assess me on the stairs and work out what my strength and balance were like – the outcome was clearly good enough to go home as I’m now here and not on a rehab center somewhere. When I met the OT (occupational therapist) it was all a bit strange because the first thing she tested me on was making a hot drink in the therapy room and a lot of that wasn’t so much about my safety but my memory – for instance of where to find the things that she had told me where they were ; I have to admit that I had a bit of a LOL moment when I asked her if she seriously thought that an ex charge nurse wouldn’t work out where the staff mugs were hidden and where to go to Ninja a biscuit or 2. I happen to think that she was trying to work out whether my memory was working well enough to find the mugs and then complete a task in the right order – later on we went through an actual cognition test which includes a test of memory (passed) and a basic test of maths (failed)…but then it was one that she claimed to have failed as well ; I told her my painful joke about owning a maths appreciation chair except to understand the joke you would need to have Dentarthurdent and the Hitchhikers guide as a cultural reference…..so that one fell flat !

In the real version of tomorrow I have to start by arranging a GP appointment, then go out for a new version of easy exercise and after that start work on my trike which is sitting out there unfinished and a bit unloved – I hope it’s going to be the major tool of my rehab. At some point during the next few days I know I should send the admissions unit a decent thankyou and at home start working on the problem of fastening a stair rail onto a solid Granite wall.

Tomorrow though…..although I hate over used trite expressions I have to grasp the idea that tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life.

Take care Y’all